Book Recommendation.

The Hiding Place.   This book is a life changer.  2 of my sisters recommended (actually insisted) that I read this book, so I bought it on Kindle and will add it to my collection of reference guides, to use throughout my life.

This is the true story of a Christian woman named Corrie Ten Boom.  She lived in Holland at the time of the German Occupation and amongst other trials and adventures, spent years or her adult life living in various concentration camps.  She was sent to prison and later concentration camps for assisting and housing Jewish people in hiding. 

It can be difficult to read books like this with such heavy subject matter and while she does explain the horrors that she went through, it somehow is still an incredibly uplifting and in some ways a lighthearted read (somewhat).  Part of the beauty of this book is the details never get graphic, she just tells the facts.  I think this was her point.  The evil that was so prevalent at this time in Corrie's life, is not what stands out to me.  What does stand out and where she focuses the story is on her testimony of God.  My testimony honestly grew leaps and bounds reading this book (as did my sisters) and I came to some very important realizations. 

Here are a few of those realizations:
1.  God gives us the strength we need at the exact moment we need it.
2.  I often feel too vulnerable and weak for this life and that causes me anxiety, because I sometimes lye in wait for the next trial to come along and I just know I won't be able to get through it.  My realization is that I'm not strong enough to get through whatever will come my way.  My awareness of just how vulnerable I am to the trials of life is quite accurate.  We don't have the strength needed to get through the challenges presented to us, but God does and he will give that strength to us, as he's done many times before, if we ask and at the time we need it.
3.  No darkness or trial runs deeper than God's love.  We need to turn our burdens over to the Lord more often, ask him for strength to bear what he allows us to go through, ask him to find joy and peace amidst the trial and ask him to carry the weight of our burdens when we just can't.
4.   Devour the scriptures.  This was a big one for me.  I realized the other night (through a convo with the hubs) that I wasn't turning to the Lord enough when I get discouraged or go through a trial.  I immediately depend on the relationships around me and call my sisters and Mom to talk everything out.  While there's nothing wrong with that, and in fact is a good thing at times, my first line of defense against discouragement should be turning to the Lord.  Prayer?  I've got that down.  I know how to pray sincerely and I do it through out the day, but seeking comfort from the scriptures Is something I struggle with.  I still haven't fully gotten past that point where scripture reading feels a little tedious to me.  Sure I have times that they really speak to me and I have some "ah hah" moments while reading, but it often can feel like a "have to" and not a "want to".  The woman in this book has built a life around scripture study and reads with the same frequency and joy as I do when sitting down for a good meal.
These scriptures that she knows so well literally became her lifeline through the toughest days of her life and the way the Lord protects her scriptures for her, shows the value he places on them as well. 
5.  Joy and peace aren't stable if they depend entirely on your circumstances.  The only joy and peace you can find, that will last is if you depend upon the Lord.  Keep him a regular part of your life, live in the way he asks and be grateful to him for every little thing.  Even the trials.  He knows what he's doing, and we just need to trust that.  The more we learn to do that, the happier we'll be and the less vulnerable we'll feel, because it doesn't matter what comes our way, he will always be there to provide us with what we need. 

Other books in my collection of Life long reference material?

1. Screw tape letters and The Great Divorce.  I suggest reading these side by side or back to back.  One tells of what Satan does to lure us from Heaven and the other tells what we do to accept or deny Heaven for ourselves.
2.  Jane Eyre.  I especially want my future girls (if any) to read this one.  She's a fantastic example of how to be a strong woman.
3.  This should have been first, but of course the Book of Mormon and Bible. 
4.  Jo's Boys.  This is somewhat a sequel to Little Women.  Shes the kind of Mom I want to be, if I have lots of little boys running around. 

There are more, but those are the few that first came to mind.

Enjoy :)

19 weeks... I think?

Another little prego update.  I think I'm either almost 20 weeks or almost 19.  Not sure.  This would never have happened in my first pregnancy.  I  could have told you how many hours I'd been pregnant, but somehow having another little one that occupies most of my thoughts, just leaves me not quite as on top of everything about this pregnancy.  I think it's a good thing, because time is flying by for me.

I will post pictures soon.  I've taken a few, but they're on Dane's phone, so I gotta nag him to get them on my computer.  :) 

Things are still progressing well although the last 24 hours have been rough.  Dane and I both came down with separate sickness' (me possibly strep, Dane the flu).  Yuck!  Poor Dane is just knocked out, and I have a lot of fluid built up in my ear, so I have an incessant ringing that won't let up.  I'm hoping it will go away soon...the Dr. thinks it should let up as my cold or whatever it is, goes away.  I didn't sleep at all last night, cause the ringing was so annoying...hopefully I will sleep tonight.  I can't feel the baby kick yet, but the heart rate is always great.  We find out what we're having in two days!  Can't wait.  I think that will add some new energy and excitement to this pregnancy. 

Boston is doing great and becoming extra lovey.  He's still doesn't sit still long enough to be cuddly, but he gives me LOTS of hugs and pats while on the move, throughout the day.  I love it.  :)

We're also moving to Pasco for Dane to start a new job.  He's so excited about the job and we can't wait to finally be done with all of the job applications etc... We're also extremely excited to live by family.  Although I don't look forward to finding new dr.s and moving yet again in a pregnancy, the timing really couldn't be better.  It will be so nice to be by family with a new baby, and to have my kids grow up with cousins, aunts and grandparents (at least for the time being). 

So life is great, with a few hiccups here and there. :)

Send all healthy, non ear ringy, vibes and wishes our way.  

A few things I'm grateful for this week:

Grateful I don't have the flu and that both ears aren't ringing
Grateful I have so many good friends and good memories to miss here in Spokane
Grateful I have so much to look forward to, with moving to Pasco
Grateful both my babies are healthy
Grateful for good Dr.'s and good insurance
Grateful that we have 2 weeks to get moved out
Grateful that we have a cute and spacious townhouse to move into
Grateful that Boston woke up the last two nights and feel asleep in our bed
Grateful that when Boston woke up this morning, he gave me a big smile and hug
Grateful that I have Dane.  Always my rock, even when he does have the flu
Grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who watches out for me, has a plan for me and never fails me

A little more hippy every day

I tell my friends all the time that the older I get, the more hippy I become.  It's my Seattle roots shining through.  Who am I to deny my roots?  I feel especially hippy since I've been pregnant.  And I mean no offense by the term hippy...I say it lovingly.  Granola would work too.  I've always had a little of this in me, I mean my favorite book growing up was, "101 ways to save our planet earth".  See?  It's my Seattle roots!

Anyway, in this pregnancy I have a Nurse midwife, am in the process of hiring a doula and I now have added to that list, an herbalist.  That's right, I have an herbalist.  And I have to say, I love her!  I love her office too.  She works in a gorgeous, old Victorian home and her office looked like some amazing oldschool Apothecary, with all of her herbs sitting on exposed wooden shelves.  And the whole place smelled like an Aveda salon...yum.  When I went in for my first consultation she brewed me a pregnancy tea and we chatted for an hour about herbally things.  At the end of the appointment she made me two tinctures (I think she calls them that?) of herbs that she poured and measured at her little wooden desk, while I watched.

I have one tonic that I take everyday to help strengthen my nervous system and sort of keep me calmer on the daily and another one for if I have a panic attack.   The interesting thing about these herbs is that they should also give me more energy, which usually doesn't happen with something to treat anxiety.  I said originally that I would just get on medicine if I had anxiety in pregnancy again, but as the pregnancy continues, I've decided to try using some natural methods first that don't put the baby at any risk (or make me gain a ton of weight) and see how those work for me.  My anxiety (if any) has been very low and only at night, on occasion, via a pit in my stomach.  Since taking the herbs I haven't had a night with any anxiety.  Maybe it's working?

I'm now almost half way along.  I'm a little over 17 weeks and in two weeks we find out if we're having a Remi or an Isaac.  We're so excited!  Morning sickness I would say is gone now, finally and I feel like I have more energy.

That's the update on all things hippy and baby for now!

PS  I now want an Aveda smelling room in my home.  Seriously, I felt sooo relaxed in that office.  Plus I worked for Aveda for like 5 years, so happy feelings all around!

A new song

After a great day spent with friends, I sat down to a yummy dinner of fish tacos with my little family.  After dinner Dane played with Boston (I could hear constant giggles coming from the living room) while I cleaned the giant mess of a kitchen and as an extra treat Daddy decided he wanted to put Boston to bed.  I actually really enjoy rocking Boss before bed, but I also don't mind Daddy stepping in every now and then.  Now Dane is doing some work, while I sit in a spotless house (isn't that the best feeling?) with dessert cooking in the oven.  Poor Boss...he always misses dessert.

As I'm fiddling away on my computer an amazing song I've never heard, popped up on my Pandora (LDS hymns of worship station, in case you're interested).  This song speaks to me and it's something I'll store away for a moment when I really need to hear these words.

Perfect Peace by Laura Story

Stay close by My side,
Keep your eyes on Me,
Though this life is hard,
I will give you perfect peace,

In this time of trial,
Pain that no one sees,
Trust me when I say,
I will give you perfect peace,

And you'll never walk alone,
And you'll never be in need,
Though I may not calm the storms around you,
You can hide in Me,

Burdens that you bear,
Offer no relief,
Let Me bear your load,
Cause I will give you perfect peace,

Stay close by My side,
And you'll never walk alone,
Keep your eyes on Me,
And you will never be in need,
Though this life is hard,
Know that I will always give you perfect peace,
I will give you perfect peace...

For obvious reasons this song speaks to me.  Over the last couple years I've been learning to let the Savior bear my burdens with me, especially when I feel I can't take anymore on and I've found peace, even in unchanged circumstances, even in times of anxiety (which to me is the opposite of peace).  I'm glad I have that knowledge that the Savior is there whenever I need him.  Some people don't know that, or don't believe it, and I feel sad for them, because I don't know how they bear their burdens without that hope, and faith in a higher power. 

Here's a link to the song.

Pregnancy update 16 weeks

I'm 16 weeks along and time is flying by!  I'm past the morning sickness stage, but I still throw up sometimes due to being constantly stuffed up and being in the midst of a cold.  For some reason  I always throw up when I get colds...weak stomach/strong gag reflex. 

I'm definitely showing now, but my body seems to be about a month ahead of itself from last pregnancy (I'm showing the same as I did at almost 20 weeks of last pregnancy).  I hear that's a baby # 2 thing.  I'm feeling much more energy than I did the first trimester.  I LOVE the 2nd trimester.  Last time that was a blissful period for me and I'm feeling the starts of it again.  Lots of energy, excitement of finding out baby's sex, feeling first movements, and not feeling any real discomfort yet. 

My anxiety's been very low so I'm grateful for that.  I've said this before but it seems that my anxiety comes in waves every 2 weeks (who knows, maybe I've subconsciously created this pattern for myself) but for 2 weeks I feel great and for 2 I feel great in the day, but some of those pits in my stomach at night.  Nothing big though.  No crying, no panic. Ya! 

I'm meeting with an herbalist on Tuesday for some natural, pregnancy safe solutions to anxiety, if I find myself in a rut down the road.  We'll have a consulatation, she'll discuss my history with me and then she'll give me some herbs and teas to have on hand.  I'll let you know how this all goes, depending if I need it or not.  It does make me feel pretty vulnerable to be pregnant and know that if I do have some crazy panic attack, or repeated panic attacks, there isn't much I can do as far as on the spot treatment.  However, I've been through it once, so I know I could get through it again.  Also I've done so much personal work on dealing with anxiety that I think I could use the tools I have and probably work through a really tough panic attack if I have to. 

My sister recommended the book, Man's search for Meaning to me.  I'm excited to read it.  She said it talks a lot about being mentally strong and dealing with trials.  The author is a Holocaust survivor and has a degree in neurology and psychology (I think).   I'll post about it, once I've read it.

I will also post some pictures soon of the pregnant belly! They're all on Dane's phone.

Life is good. Grateful to have an awesome little boy and a new baby on the way!