Inspired

So I thought I would share our little story of deciding to get pregnant, but I have to take it back a ways.  Last year, (not like a few days ago, but WAY back last year) my Mom and I went to a Relief Society activity on, How to be a Scriptorian.  The speaker was really amazing and she talked about paying attention to how the Spirit speaks to you, because the Spirit speaks differently to everyone and more often than not, the spirit will have 1 or 2 ways that it typically speaks to you. 

I know a few people that have had multiple miraculous, light shining down moments where the spirit is speaking to them.  I know others that receive inspiration often through dreams.  For me almost 100% of the time the spirit speaks to me by simple thoughts.  I will have a thought that feels like my own original thought, but over time (and being able to look back in retrospect)  I realize that those "original thoughts" were not my own and came from Heavenly Father. I've had quite a few moments of the spirit using someone else, or a book or music to speak to me and I've had one time in my life that I felt like the Spirit guided me so directly that I just was acting without even having to think about it.  But I can't remember a time that I've had a light shining down moment. 

When I was dating Dane I was constantly waiting for THAT moment and it never happened.  I thought after everything I had been through the Lord would pick my spouse for me and that would be that.  Instead I was told, "Dane will be an excellent choice, but it's your choice".  Dang it!  I was hoping the choice would be made for me.  I wasn't too confidant in my good choice making abilities so I was scared to make the choice with Dane.  But I couldn't deny how much I loved him, how logical it all seemed, and how right it felt.  Every day since marrying Dane, has proved to me I've made the right choice, and I think I needed to see I knew how to make some REALLY good choices and the Lord knew that (he always knows so much better than me). 

Anyway, back to the story at hand.  Dane and I decided after we had Boston that we wouldn't try for another baby until he had a stable job, insurance and no possibilities of moving (as I moved about 8 times last pregnancy and it's believed that was the majority of what caused all my postpartum anxiety) with the caveat that we were open to a different plan if the Lord so inspired us.  This plan was a good and logical one and we were happy with it.  Although I was getting baby hungry (but honestly I was baby hungry when Boston was like 6 months old) I still wasn't fully ready to start trying for another little one. 

This last October I was watching the Saturday session of Conference and this talk came on.  I take notes when watching Conference and I wrote, "Listen up!" before the talk had even begun.  As I listened to this talk (it's all about children) I kept taking notes and inspiring thoughts just kept coming to me like, "maybe act in faith and blessings will follow" and then I had my light shining down moment.  I jumped up from my chair (literally) and wanted to shout, "It's time to get Remi here!"  Remi will be the name of our baby if it's a girl.  And maybe it will be a boy, but either way I felt like our next baby was waiting for us.  I'm a pretty analytical and indecisive person, but this was a moment that I felt 100% certain that the Lord was inspiring me to at least bring this up to Dane.  I still wasn't sure if that meant we should try right away, but I knew Dane would know.  So I woke him up from his nap and told him that I listened to a talk, felt inspired to have a baby and I wanted him to tell me what he thinks.  He said he would listen to the talk, but it would take a miracle for him to feel like we were ready.  So we said a prayer, we listened to the talk together and at the end Dane said, "I think you're right, it might be time".  I cried, we hugged and then did a lot more praying for the next couple weeks.  We went to the Temple to get final confirmation and felt great about things.  And here we are, pregnant with baby #2.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to receive inspiration from the Lord.  I wish it could always happen in such exact and clear ways as this, but I am so grateful for his guidance in my life.  I was really hoping I would feel inspired the next time we had a baby, so that when and if times get tough in this pregnancy or postpartum, I could fall back on that moment of total inspiration.  I'm glad the Lord agreed with me on this idea.  :) 

So here we are again at a big cross roads in our life, not sure where we'll be living next, but working hard and riding on faith that the Lord will make up the difference.  He already has.  Dane has a job here in Spokane, we can stay in our awesome house with cheap rent and although we hope this job is only temporary, we're so grateful that the Lord has blessed us like he told me he would,

"act in faith and blessings will follow". 

Feeling pretty grateful today.

Nutrition and Anxiety and a little Family home evening idea

After we got Boston's picture with Santa

So I've been off my medicine for 6 days now and I feel great.  My doctor and pharmacist think I probably won't have much withdrawal symptoms since I weaned so slowly.  Withdrawal's probably not the right word, since the medicine I was on isn't addictive at all, but if I understand things correctly my brain probably wasn't producing much serotonin (the happy feel goody stuff in your brain) while I was on the meds cause the meds did the job for me, but since I weaned so slowly my brain had time to start producing serotonin again while I still had little bits of the medicine in me.  (A Dr. would probably cringe just reading my explanation of that).  So, that's my not so eloquent way of saying I feel great and I've got good reason to believe I will continue to feel that way. 

When my anxiety started I prayed a TON for help and an answer that continued to come back to me was "nutrition."  Nutrition, nutrition, nutrition.  I haven't known quite where to start, but since Boston was born I felt impressed that If I made a lifestyle change with the way I eat, I could save myself a ton of grief from anxiety.

A little less than a month ago (when I had a mini panic attack that I mentioned in a previous post) I felt really freaked out and even a little bitter toward the Lord, thinking, "what the heck?!  I'm doing everything I should, to eliminate this anxiety and now it might be coming back?!" but I was quickly humbled by the immediate thought of, "NUTRITION".  So I decided it was HIGH time I really make that a priority.  I was talking to a sister about this and she connected me with a close friend of hers that's like a health nut guru.  She's amazing!  She told me that sugar and caffeine are really bad for anxiety and she practically eliminated her anxiety by cutting those two things out of her diet.  After talking to her I realized why I so badly needed to change my eating habits.  Sugar was a HUGE part of my diet.  I have a giant sweet tooth and candies and sweets were apart of my daily life...caffeine not so much, but sugar, definitely.  I talked with her about some ideas and plans and one week before I started on my lowest dose of meds, I cut out any sugar that doesn't come naturally in foods (basically honey and fruit are the only sugar I intake now). 

I thought it would be INSANELY difficult, but it's one of the easiest things I've ever done.  I'm sure a big part of that is the Lord giving me a giant helping hand, but I also have excellent motivation.  Cut out sugar and I can quite possibly eliminate anxiety?  Sign me up!  So for almost a month I've cut out caffeine (which meant I had to cut out the occasional soda and chocolate) and all unnatural or processed sugar. 

A website that I found really helpful is THIS.  It lists 50 other names for sugar.  Did you know sugar hides in almost EVERYTHING WE EAT, under names that sound nothing like sugar?  I practically have this list memorized so now I never read nutrition labels (I think they're kinda crap) and I just read ingredients.  I am a lot pickier about the things I buy, but because I'm not eating sugar I end up avoiding a lot of processed junk as well.  The really great part is I'm still able to enjoy a WIDE variety of foods.  I still eat chips and salsa, bread (great harvest has some delicious, sugarless breads and the ingredients are on the labels), popcorn, smoothies, and the list goes on.  I just have to be more specific about what brands I buy.  The other thing that's really great about this? I usually end up eating foods with under 5 ingredients all of which I understand! 

My sister's friend also suggested I start a food journal and write down briefly what I eat and how I feel before and after and that will teach me to listen to my body better and be aware of what it's telling me.  For the first couple days I realized every time I ate I started out not hungry.  Sad huh?  So that tells me that I eat most the time just cause I'm bored or for other reasons, but not because my body needs nourishment. 

Now this isn't the easiest time of year to make these big changes, in fact the day before I decided on this  I went to Costco and bought a yummy salsa (sugar added), Costco's amazing muffins and a giant bag of rolls (luckily friends were more than happy to take those items off my hands) but I've still been able to be successful.  There have been two times I've allowed myself sugar.  On Thanksgiving I ate everything on the table including pumpkin pie, and a slice the next day for breakfast.  But my sister's friend helped me to look at these moments as learning experiences.  She said to me, "I haven't had cake in a long time, but I know at some point I will have a piece and when I do I know it will make me feel like crap and it will just prove to me why I'm doing this".  I like thinking of those lapses in nutrition as learning experiences rather than failures.  And at Thanksgiving I paid for those sweets in dizziness, a little anxiety and headaches.  The 2nd time I had sugar was tonight on a Christmas drive to look at the lights with Dane and Boss.  I got a Starbucks peppermint hot cocoa.  It was tasty, but I immediately felt nauseous and now have a headache and feel flu like and It may cause me some anxiety.

The thing is I don't regret the times I've decided to have sweets, but when I do I kinda see it's not that worth it.  Sugar doesn't taste as good as it used to and my body feels like crap when it has it.  And I don't feel like a failure, because I remember that this is my new life style, not a speed diet.  At Christmas I probably will allow some sugar in some of my favorite Christmas treats, but then I'll just hop back to it like I've done.  I've been to lots of Holiday events with treats galore and I've just opted out and i've felt great about it.  Sugar doesn't have as much a hold on me.  It's really just not that big a deal anymore to not have it.  This time of year I enjoy making holiday treats, so when I get the urge I bake them, leave a couple for Dane and then send him off to work with the rest to give to his co workers.  It's a win-win!

I've also lost a few lbs in the process (which isn't my ultimate goal with this sugarless thing, but a wonderful side effect). 
Oh!  And a great substitute for hot cocoa is tea!  My friend sent me a list of delicious teas.  I also have some relaxing sleepy time teas on hand in case I do have anxiety, that might calm me a bit.  And I've heard passion flower (in a pill or tea) can be GREAT for anxiety as well.

In other news, Dane lead a wonderful family home evening tonight.  We read THIS article and then took the gratitude challenge.  Together we came up with 200 things (in specific categories listed in the article) that we're grateful for.  We had Christmas music playing, and Boston climbing all over us while we thought about all of our many blessings.  It was a really touching experience and I got all teary eyed as I looked at this giant list of blessings that only BARELY skim the surface of our MANY blessings.  I suggest you all read this article (Mormon or not) and take the gratitude challenge.  It makes for a really pleasant and humbling night. 

Wow this is a long post!  Hope this helps someone.  :)

PS If you want our Christmas letter and picture card this year leave a comment below or send me an email (jillbradbury@yahoo.com) unless I already have your address.  :)