Inspired

So I thought I would share our little story of deciding to get pregnant, but I have to take it back a ways.  Last year, (not like a few days ago, but WAY back last year) my Mom and I went to a Relief Society activity on, How to be a Scriptorian.  The speaker was really amazing and she talked about paying attention to how the Spirit speaks to you, because the Spirit speaks differently to everyone and more often than not, the spirit will have 1 or 2 ways that it typically speaks to you. 

I know a few people that have had multiple miraculous, light shining down moments where the spirit is speaking to them.  I know others that receive inspiration often through dreams.  For me almost 100% of the time the spirit speaks to me by simple thoughts.  I will have a thought that feels like my own original thought, but over time (and being able to look back in retrospect)  I realize that those "original thoughts" were not my own and came from Heavenly Father. I've had quite a few moments of the spirit using someone else, or a book or music to speak to me and I've had one time in my life that I felt like the Spirit guided me so directly that I just was acting without even having to think about it.  But I can't remember a time that I've had a light shining down moment. 

When I was dating Dane I was constantly waiting for THAT moment and it never happened.  I thought after everything I had been through the Lord would pick my spouse for me and that would be that.  Instead I was told, "Dane will be an excellent choice, but it's your choice".  Dang it!  I was hoping the choice would be made for me.  I wasn't too confidant in my good choice making abilities so I was scared to make the choice with Dane.  But I couldn't deny how much I loved him, how logical it all seemed, and how right it felt.  Every day since marrying Dane, has proved to me I've made the right choice, and I think I needed to see I knew how to make some REALLY good choices and the Lord knew that (he always knows so much better than me). 

Anyway, back to the story at hand.  Dane and I decided after we had Boston that we wouldn't try for another baby until he had a stable job, insurance and no possibilities of moving (as I moved about 8 times last pregnancy and it's believed that was the majority of what caused all my postpartum anxiety) with the caveat that we were open to a different plan if the Lord so inspired us.  This plan was a good and logical one and we were happy with it.  Although I was getting baby hungry (but honestly I was baby hungry when Boston was like 6 months old) I still wasn't fully ready to start trying for another little one. 

This last October I was watching the Saturday session of Conference and this talk came on.  I take notes when watching Conference and I wrote, "Listen up!" before the talk had even begun.  As I listened to this talk (it's all about children) I kept taking notes and inspiring thoughts just kept coming to me like, "maybe act in faith and blessings will follow" and then I had my light shining down moment.  I jumped up from my chair (literally) and wanted to shout, "It's time to get Remi here!"  Remi will be the name of our baby if it's a girl.  And maybe it will be a boy, but either way I felt like our next baby was waiting for us.  I'm a pretty analytical and indecisive person, but this was a moment that I felt 100% certain that the Lord was inspiring me to at least bring this up to Dane.  I still wasn't sure if that meant we should try right away, but I knew Dane would know.  So I woke him up from his nap and told him that I listened to a talk, felt inspired to have a baby and I wanted him to tell me what he thinks.  He said he would listen to the talk, but it would take a miracle for him to feel like we were ready.  So we said a prayer, we listened to the talk together and at the end Dane said, "I think you're right, it might be time".  I cried, we hugged and then did a lot more praying for the next couple weeks.  We went to the Temple to get final confirmation and felt great about things.  And here we are, pregnant with baby #2.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to receive inspiration from the Lord.  I wish it could always happen in such exact and clear ways as this, but I am so grateful for his guidance in my life.  I was really hoping I would feel inspired the next time we had a baby, so that when and if times get tough in this pregnancy or postpartum, I could fall back on that moment of total inspiration.  I'm glad the Lord agreed with me on this idea.  :) 

So here we are again at a big cross roads in our life, not sure where we'll be living next, but working hard and riding on faith that the Lord will make up the difference.  He already has.  Dane has a job here in Spokane, we can stay in our awesome house with cheap rent and although we hope this job is only temporary, we're so grateful that the Lord has blessed us like he told me he would,

"act in faith and blessings will follow". 

Feeling pretty grateful today.